My laptop has expired. Even Ian could not fix it, although you can see how thoroughly he investigated it. It is dead and gone.Despite what you might think, having two children is often easier than having one. Once you get past the initial six months of complete and utter inhuman hell, the baby begins to move around, and it follows its older sibling.
Living with Esme and Oscar is like living with live cartoons: they love each other, play together, snuggle together, and run around being complete lunatics together; or they did, until she started school. Then he felt her absence keenly, and followed me around instead. All the time. If I sit, he sits on me. If I stand, he rugby-tackles me. He is my constant companion. This is wonderful, and all part of the rich tapestry and etc etc, but I don't get an awful lot done.
When Esme gets home from school, she and Ossie snuggle up and watch Looney Tunes on my PC in return for my grasping 60 minutes' daylight, peace and quiet with my laptop. Or: they did. Just as I got used to this Golden Hour Or Two, the laptop went pfffft.
By the time my laptop went pfffft, my PC had sunk to the status of The Family Computer, ie the property of the children during daylight hours. My previously private portal to cyberspace is all Safety Searches, sticky fingerprints, and discarded crusts.
If I try to use it, Oscar climbs onto me like a 30b sack of shit that plays with its navel while making huffing noises through its nostrils; meanwhile, Esme asks how soon I will have finished using my computer, and whether she may have a honey sandwich with the crusts cut off, or some apple juice with a green straw, and have I finished using my computer yet? I have to stalk my PC, wait until it is unoccupied, and leap on it to use it as much as I can before the children appear like cats to a tin-opener.
The only time I have to use my PC in peace and quiet is this late hour between Ossie's bedtime and mine. By this time of night, I am shattered.
Ian's parents are coming to the rescue with an old laptop they no longer use, so I will be back, but not until they come to visit later this year and bring the laptop with them. Bear with me. Try to find comfort in this basket of concerned eyebrows. See you soon.
33 comments:
I thought it said, "Try to find me in this basket of concerned eyebrows," and I have been studying the shit out of those kittens.
You're not in there, you know.
I looked too, Jac.
Ian's parents coming the the rescue with an old laptop they no longer use conjures up a picture of a suitcase-sized monstrosity with a crank sticking out the side and an exhaust port. This might work out swimmingly if you can teach your 30lb shit sack/navel fetishist to crank while mommy types words.
jac and kara, whaddya mean? she's right there!
*smiles contentedly while sipping the third glass of wine*
My life has been hollow and empty without your burbling voice through the innertubes.
I just bought an Asus eee Transformer and it's a tablet with a docking keyboard that let's it work like a netbook and weighs almost nothing. Just in case you have a Christmas Santa wish list.
Best of luck with the kids and the computer.
My immediate reaction was "I must have a spare laptop Antonia can have..." and then I looked round and realised all the children were using them. Plus ca change :(
Lovely to see you back. I had wandered away from blog reading and recently did a massive catch up as a means of dealing with work stress. I think the tour of your Scandinavian distressed kitchen saved me. Thanks for all the laughs!
"Later this year" sounds like a long time... then I remembered it is November...
Those "baby days" feel like they go on forever... but really they are gone in a flash. But you will remember them forever with such deep love.....
I'll clue you in... it's nature's way of making you love your babies so much you don't off them when they are teens and make another one that looks just like 'em.
I'm delighted you're not posting because I'm not posting, and I'm furious that you have an equipment fail to blame when I have nothing but my own sloth. Thanks a fucking lot.
I have 3 children and have reached a stage where the older 2 play with the younger one while I frantically update ALL OF THE THINGS before they start to circle like vultures. We'll wait for you, because we love you.
I'm just glad you've been MIA due to a failed laptop. I was worried it was something awful. 'Cause I'm cheerful like that.
Carry on.
I was quite sure you were one of the kittens. That would have explained a lot.
Well, at least there was a logical explanation, and since I seem to be absolute shite at keeping up with reading blogs these days, it worked out well enough in the end.
Meanwhile, hooray for Ian's parents! We love them.
you help the rest of us to feel so much more normal, thankful it isn't just happening to us!
Yeah right. I love your blog, but your child goes to a fancy school and your dad's a multimillionaire, so how come you don't have the cash for a knockdown laptop?? Write. Please!!! I demand it.
Thank goodness you've come back! I was worried I'd have to find something else to amuse me during the long boring hours in my cubicle. Not to say your life amuses me... only the way you write about your life. See? There's a difference!
Oh yes indeed. This is quite familiar.
Hi,
Apologies for the off-topic comment, but I couldn't find a contact email for you.
I recently put out an ebook of my writing, called The New Death and others. It's a collection of short pieces, mostly dark fantasy.
I was wondering if you'd be interested in doing a review on your blog.
If so, please email me: news@apolitical.info. Let me know what file format is easiest for you, and I'll send you a free copy.
You can download a sample from the ebook's page on Smashwords:
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/92126
I'm also happy to do interviews, guest posts, or giveaways. Just let me know what you'd prefer.
Yours,
James.
yes, relieved it was just a laptop. welcome back!!
@GREENWICH MEAN BITCH you're quite well named aren't you? I'm sure Antonia & Ian are quite capable of managing without outside help. Quite frankly, her finances and what she chooses to spend HER money on has nothing to do with you. I'm sure Antonia is laughing at you, but for me personally, reading the rather nasty, jealous and begrudging comment you made, makes me feel quite angry on her behalf.
To Antonia - looking forward to more blogging when you get another laptop, and bugger the begrudgers!
Hmmm I looked for a while it's an funny picture but I can't see you :) x
Anxiuosly awaiting your return. Of course without a computer you can't read this, so it's probably a wasted effort on my part.
Nevermind
Coooooooooome baaaaaaaack. Please.
We miss you.
Please come back - I miss laughing so hard I snort.
I need my weekly fix of British dry absurdist humor. The end of the year has come and gone--should we all chip in and buy you a new laptop?
I wish I could win the lottery. I would buy you a new laptop! Miss you... No wait, that sounds creepy. Moss reading you. That's better.
I've been trying to give you a lovely green picture otherwise known as a blog award (i.e. "chain mail") in the hopes that it will miraculously fix all the laptops in London and enable to you post again...
Miss you so. Hope all is well.
miss reading your posts. hope you had a wonderful holiday and an exciting 2012.
I keep circling back to see if you've come back.
Reminds me of when my son dropped a bit of glue on my MAC so he (gulp) washed it clean so I wouldn't get annoyed. And no, the computer couldn't be saved! Rx
http://sandersonsmithstory.blogspot.com/
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