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About Me
- Antonia Cornwell
- That London, United Kingdom
- I have a heart of gold and a wrong sense of humour. I live in London with my hairy lover Ian, our little daughter Esme, our huge baby Ossie, and some big stripey fuckoff cats. I often go back to old posts and rewrite bits of them. Sorry about that.
Find things on Whoopee
NOW ON THE BOOK OF THE FACE
- BAD SEX WRITING (2)
- CASTLE BLOWHARD (2)
- CHRISTMAS CARD 2008 (1)
- ESME (67)
- FAVOURITES (39)
- HOME VIDEOS (26)
- I LOVE IAN THIS MUCH (55)
- ILLUSTRATED (35)
- MEMES (6)
- NO ONE GETS MY JOKES (10)
- OSSIE (14)
- PHOTO STORIES (3)
- POEMS AND THAT (9)
- PREGNANCY (18)
- SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR CATS (19)
- THINGS TO MAKE AND DO (21)
- URRGH (8)
- WORD OF THE DAY (5)
- WTF FOOD (3)
FLICKR
Links
- 27b/6
- Myths Retold
- Little People of London
- Awful Library Books
- Not Always Right
- South Park cartoons
- LET'S PANIC!
- Emails From an Asshole
- St. Custard's
- Awkward Family Photos
- Postcards From Yo Momma
- Garfield minus Garfield
- Entrances to Hell in the UK
- Kate Beaton Comics
- East Cheam Ivy
- News Biscuit
- CAAAT TOOOOWN
- Icelandic traffic webcams
Hot Sweaty Linky Love
- Alice at Finslippy
- All of Lori's one times
- Ann's Desktop Confessional
- Barbara's Inkstains
- Being an Asshole is All She Has Left
- Bill's Exurbitude
- Bob's Greens & Cornbread
- Daisy, still Teetering
- Danielle's Knotty Yarn
- Danny Going Mad
- De's Sober Briquette
- Disappointed of West Egg
- Emma and her Headache
- Emma's Belgian Waffle
- Gallery of the Absurd
- Go Fug Yourself
- Hyperbole and a Half
- Jack's Raging Mommy
- Jen's Honest Planet
- Jennifer, God of Small Things
- Jenny, the Bloggess
- Joy the Ginga
- Lisa at Barlyru
- Liv's Madness
- Lynda's Whirlwind
- Melissa at Suburban Bliss
- Meno and her Blog
- Michele's General Din
- Mighty Maggie
- Mrs Kennedy at Fussy...
- ...and at yogabeans
- OMG, Jackson has a blog
- Patrick Bad News Hughes
- Rowan's Stuff & Nonsense
- Sarah Balls, I mean Brown
- Sarah's Dusty Dreams
- The Domesticated Shithead
- The Glittering Kevin Charnas
- The One & Only Heather
- Urban Cowgirl, now Down Under!
- Urban Urchin
- Zan's Cup of Tea
And these are my mates. Go and drop by their blogs for tea.
Frog of the Day
Google searches for this site: a window into strangers' brains
- shriveled testicles pics
- nylon lover pants winter
- alice farts
- MY CAT IS LEAKING MY FINGERS
- fancy-dress succubus
- regular cameltoe
- gymnastic camel toes
- smack that bloody ferret
- swiss ball porn
- badly stuffed weasel
- ian tits
- crochet pattern genitals
- lemons used as boobies
- naked swedes
- ferret legging, photos
- gaviscon and dogs
- posh in tights
- 80s ski suit gallery
- wicker moosehead
- smack the frog
- who lives in a cave
- σαλιγκαριών
- smack the pony thong
- things made from nylon
61 comments:
My God, it was like I'd stumbled in to Gwyneth Paltrow's perfect kitchen. I bow down and worship at the shrine of your home design :-D
Alixxxxxx
I immediately walked into MY kitchen, after viewing this video, and realized I haven't channeled ANY distressed Scandanavians in my kitchen design.
I'm going to have to start from scratch now.
Thanks for the inspiration!
Is that a tandoor oven at 3:15? Cooooool.
More please!
The terrifying thing is how much you sound like our slightly bonkers landscape painter next door neighbour (SBLPNDN). I've been to open studio events in her kitchen that sounded exactly like that.
I like that you're not afraid to be naked.
My Dad nearly had a direct and vibrant conversation with the house once, but thought better of it just in time.
We had the Pompidou centre round for dinner last week. It is such delightful company.
Glanswank? Awesome!
I have a distressed bath, now I know I need a distressed kitchen!
GLANSWANK! Too funny!
Kevin and I were CRYING. Very impressed!
It is only a matter of time before Living Etc devote an entire issue to your beautiful home...
I lost my shit when you said the Pompidou Centre was a close, personal friend.
The soundtrack is uber quiet and soothing; reminds me of a particularly thoughtful local vicar! The visuals strike a different note...
You rock.
I wish I could do a convincing "Well hello!" because having a concrete mixer in the kitchen is VERY DRAMATIC.
Heavens, what Sarah says. I'm collecting my spleen from the other side of the room now.
After the distressed Scandinavians episode, would you mind narrating a colonoscopy? I think your plummy, dulcet tones would add a certain gravitas to the situation, quite lovely, lovely indeed.
This should be prescribed viewing for anyone undertaking a kitchen renovation. If only I had dug deep and found creative genius in insanity as you have here, I may not have suffered such acute psychological meltdowns when we DIY destroyed/rebuilt our own kitchen.
ooooooooooooh, what are your hourly rates and availability?
very impressed by your grasp of essential scandinavian bareness.
I do straight-up Danish for £50 an hour. One-on-one Ralph Erskines are £70: group Erskines cost £30 more per person. Hotel visits are extra, but I only do mid-century modern in hotels.
So distressed it's upset. Brilliant.
Like Sarah, I was just about keeping it together until you declared the Pompidou Centre to be a close personal friend, then I started howling with laughter and couldn't stop.
Quite drowned out the Philip Glass that was playing!
You retained the element of play superbly.
Also, I nearly peed from laughing so hard.
Oh. My. God.
That was brilliant.
I think you should narrate every one of your posts, as your voice is so velvety and smooooooth!
Meanwhile, when is dinner??
I fully planned to drink myself to death this evening until I joined you in your beautiful home.
I shall remain alive in order to see how this all plays out.What a visual (hysterical) treat.
My Mother would gasp if she saw this, you know.
Just sayin.
I like it. I don't get the jokes at all. People can be so unkind.
A shoe-in for the Turner Prize! I'm so proud of you all!
It's lovely. Suddenly my own attempts to create an oasis of tranquillity and positive earth energy in my hallway using bookcases looks outmoded and tired. And somehow forced.
Will you be running design courses?
So very glad I saw this before I attempted any inside renos. I would have gone about it all wrong, running around in circles flapping my arms squeaking about the "mess" and "never be finished" and "ZOMG!," rather than speaking in measured, dulcet tones and appreciating the art of it all.
Thank you for your guidance. And for the world's most insidious earworm...
1 2 3 4 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
*collapses, wibbling*
Why did I watch this while drinking? I wish I had video-taped my spit-take when you introduced the element of play to your kitchen.
I bow to you, and the Distressed Scandinavians.
You are making me look at my own "distressed" and distressing renovations in a whole new light! (Except we have our shrine to plaster and wood putty and random tools in the corner of the dining room! Going on 2 years now. They would be like dining companions if we ever ate in there.) We appear to be living in parallel universe to each other. Love your writing!
I love this blog.
I'm hoping that this blatant sycophanyc means that I can get away with spamming my own blog here.
http://rosiehospital.blogspot.com/
I feel like all this needs is a narrator with a glass eye. And some tight matronly tweed?
I like the new mixer. You must be able to make loads of bread dough in it. And that Scandinavian bottle opener is Devine. But I must say you are handling the remodel really well. I would be curled in a fetal position by now.
These are the fruits of your "experimental chunk?" Brilliant!
My cat found your voice very soothing. I would have as well, if I wasn't actually listening to the words. Listening to the words made it less soothing and more spit-take inducing. Thank you for relaxing my cat. I have forgiven you for making me choke on my water.
I watched while listening to Skank's OTT Acid Techno toon 'F**k You'. I have to say it worked rather well.
Or really I like the tune and seeing a kitchen that has a cooker THAT good had to be celebrated.
Or I just wanted to get a mention in for the maddest filthy tune I can remember throwing myself around to when I had more hair.
Ta for the blog. Tis marvellous.
You are seriously mad, and I could not love you more.
Your 'overeducated posho talking soothing rubbish' voice gives me flahsbacks to art school.
"People who are not afraid to be naked." Holy hell, this was brilliant. Thank you for this.
first Esme, then Ossie, and now THIS!!
my friend and i are now greeting each other with "welcome to my beautiful home."
Dear Lord that was awesome. My husband just threw a dirty look to please stop giggling already.
LMFAO. Oh my, I loved that. I wish I had the wherewithal to do a video tour of our renovation-in-process/house-of-pain.
Loved it. You're awesome.
oh my cow, that was hysterical.
Your tour was eerily similar to what our home looks like right now (minus the lath, the accent, and the wit).
Amber
sugarsugarhouse.com
You and your "close, personal friends" made me snort, I laughed so hard. Love it. I loved it even though it gave me PTSD flashbacks to my own renovations. "Best left as an art piece..." XD
One of my friends has a cement mixer like that which she has painted red with black spots so that it looks like a rather filthy ladybug.
An idea for the children's room, perhaps?
dear god, this was funny.
From my 6 yr old (in her posh voice): They have remarkable taste.
For the Aussies out there who got a kick out of this HILARIOUS piece - is Antonia channelling Marg Downey or what?! Nicely done Antonia!
STUNNING.
Am reconsidering Scandinavian design, because clearly there is room in the aesthetic to retain an element of clutter.
You're hilarious! LOVE IT and YOU! You got me at "Welcome"! :D Nearly peed my pants!
I put this on my Facepage. Now I know how to welcome visitors (rare) to Rancho with CLASS!
Would this be a fit?
http://www.thehambledon.com/product_enquiry.php?id=2335
Dahling! I'm so jealous that you have an original Glanswank. Have you any idea how much they are worth? Such an investment.
Do check in and let us know the four of you are ok...
Thinking about you and hope all's well.
You're sense of the artistic is astute. I see a decor trend beginning right in your kitchen. I hope it catches on, I'll be in the height of style right with you!
This is quite possibly one of your funniest posts ever. You mind works in strange and wonderful ways!
Hysterically funny - you are a delight - I love you!
how do you know Glen Swank?
Dear Antonia, we have been renovating two bedrooms and a bathroom since before you posted this video, and thinking of it is the only thing that's kept me going as the project stretches on...and on...and on. Thank you.
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