Plus, once the to-do list was annhilated in time for Esme's party, I had no idea what to do with myself. I can't relax unless I'm sawing something in half: I'm always getting thrown out of day spas for it. So I wrote a NEW to-do list and started on that. There is always more to do to this house.
I'm sticking a funny film clip in here, because this post is about to get boring, and you probably aren't in the mood for boring today. Instead, watch this, then have an ice cream, and I'll see you next blog post. I'm just going to go off on one for a bit while you do that.
For example, I can't write about family. Everyone in my family reads this blog. Hi, gang!
I have an extraordinarily complicated extended family, made up of more divorces, surnames and wonderful people than you can shake a stick at. I'm not inwardly seething with family gripes that I need to get off my chest: I'm too old and tired to feel that way. But some family stuff cropped up recently when my stepfather, my half-sister's father, reappeared in her life (for the first time since 1984) and it reminded me, with surprising and unwelcome clarity, of the stress and arguments that happened when he left us, stress and arguments I had thoroughly buried away under 25 years of other stuff. There's an awful lot I could write about it, and would love to, but I can't. Not here. I seem to have thought it out of my system, mostly, and had some interesting dreams that explained an awful lot about choices I've made in adult life, but it can't go on this blog. So that's one thing. That was clogging up my head for ages and I couldn't put it here, and it made anything I did write here seem trite and irrelevant, and I didn't like that.
And Esme. I don't know where to draw the line in writing about Esme, so I hesitate to write about her at all now. Am I sharing too much about her? Will she hate me for any of this later? I don't know and I don't want to risk it.
I haven't finished being boring yet, but we're nearly there.
It's not just what I write about Esme, but how I write about her. Last time I wrote a serious-ish parenting post, someone left a comment to tell me they were upset by it, and I thought Bang! Stop! I don't write this blog to upset people and provoke that voice of the Internet that gets cross. The main reason I write this is to put a smile on people's faces and if I upset someone, then I've fucked up. Sorry.
No one's still reading this far but I'll carry on talking among myself anyway. I just want to get back to my old way of thinking about this website, which was simple: something funny occurs to me and puts a smile on my face, and I share it with other people. I think I've had too much serious shit cluttering up my brain to let the funny get through for a while, and I'm hoping that by writing this post it'll get some of the boring out of the way and let the funny out again. Think of this post as an anal suppository, and let's see what sort of shit I come up with next time. POIP.
35 comments:
Well, i understand how you feel. But there is no possible way to write on the internet and not have many, many people who feel you are doing it wrong. People who search for something that you are doing wrong, and don't stop until they find it.
If it weren't for Esme, i'd say fuck 'em.
Oh, I don't mind being told I'm doing it wrong, especially when I'm writing the post because I think I'm doing it wrong and I'm actively seeking advice from people with more experience than me.
I do mind upsetting people when that isn't my intention, though. That's the opposite of what I want to do.
I hate writing serious posts. Bleah.
*dons calving overalls ready for next post*
I have some of the same issues. Sympathies.
I feel the moped rider did well to stay on board. Blurry, but the snail seemed to provoke a monstrous double-take and a wobble!
I love that the black car doesn't drive off straight away: I like to think the driver was laughing too hard.
That part about butts at the end was gross.
See, I get around all of that by (1) not having any family to write about, since I've not spoken to mine for 12 years, and (2) not writing for anyone else to read. Which works out well, since almost nobody reads what I write. So everyone is happy (or totally oblivious, which is often as close as one gets).
But just think -- squirrels in 4 days!!!
Warm hugs to you, lovely.
Good work, Bill.
Yay squirrels! That's what this website needs. See you Tuesday!
I don't come here with idea that you are going to write about your family. I love the stories and thoughts you write. Some people out there are just on the planet to criticize and point out your inadequacies. Those comments are to be filed in the I-don't-give-a-shit file. Keep on keepin' on. You are awesome.
well. I will miss your stories about Esme and whatever else you don't feel comfortable sharing anymore, but since I like all the other stuff you write about too, I am sure I will survive. You have been a bright spot in some bleak days this winter, and I thank you for that. Do hurry back, though!
~ JoAnne
I'll read no matter what you write. So, carry on!
write it up, writeypants
a)I love your stories about Esme. I think you are a wonderful, honest parent and I appreciate that your posts about her don't consist of "My child is amazing. I am the best parent ever. Blah blah blah head up arse." Once I have kids (oh, what will God have wrought then...), I hope to emulate your relaxed parenting style.
b)Your posts, even when they are serious, always make me smile.
c)Yes. More squirrels. I think you and Ian need to take up squirrel fishing posthaste.
-Janet
It doesn't matter what you write -you will always upset someone, whether you intend to or not. The internet is a big space, full of people craving to be insulted/offended/upset. Just write what you like, and if you must worry what others think - only worry about the opinions of people you know and care for.
Of course, as you don't know me, I wouldn't take any notice of this comment if I were you.
I've been rather worried about you.
I'm very new to not just blogs, but computers in general. Within a month of writing, I am having similar problems. My purpose was to write and use it as therapy about my family. Now they are all there watching me. Maybe I'll start another and just call it "angry blog go away" or something similar.
I can't see that you have done anything but be an unusually excellent parent to Esme. School age she isn't going to be fond of being blogged about. But what cherished writing she will have from what you have written of her baby years.
Yours was the first (and only) blog that I read and followed then I found one of a British lady in France. Now I worry about her too.
Antonia, I don't care what you write about. I enjoy your style, humor, and intelligence. Find your feet and steady yourself. Lots of people will be here pulling for you.
while I have absolutely no problem with you making me laugh - which is what started me reading here regularly - what I've come to learn is the lovely person you are which is why I continue to read here.
Your family is not mine, so I have no advice about that. While there might come a day when Esme could potentially be concerned about you writing about her - after all, a teenager is a mass of emotions held together with a veneer of nonchalance - that day is far away. And in any case, there's nothing you've said that will cost you thousands in therapy for her.
As for the trolls, count it a badge of having arrived that you've attracted one or two and in any case theirs is the last voice you should listen to.
Ultimately, you should do what feels right to you and everything else will fall into place.
Bugger the weirdos out there who feel compelled to pointlessly and gratuitously complain. Your blog rocks. Your writing rocks. You're hilarious. Keep it up. Please?
Well, see the problem is that someone is always going to get upset. I mean, the Snail Protection League may be gunning after you right now for promoting that horrible, anti-snail video you just posted!
Your blog is your blog and as long as you aren't posting anything intentionally vile, illegal, or a hate crime, then (as harsh as it sounds), how people react is their own business and you can't _ever_ control for it. Ever.
It's a pity someone was upset, but I'm sure they'll get over it.
Whatan@hole: The family troubles are what your paper journal at home that no one else reads is for. Public blog is public.
Antonia--there will be a period of tween/teen years where your very existence will be an embarrassment to Esme. Don't delete the posts, just hide them if she asks. She'll want to read them when she's older. As long as you keep to the cute tea party-type and potato choir stories, I think you'll be fine in the long run. Just my two cents.
Your blog is so full of love for Esme and Ian... I can't imagine that any child wouldn't be thrilled to read about how much you love her father and how much joy and delight you find in being with her. I also can't think of a single thing you've written about Esme that any other parent wouldn't read and think YES YES YES YES YES SO TRUE. And anybody who wastes their time being a playa hata on your utterly charming blog is a sad, deranged person worthy of compassion but not your attention.
I read a list at another blog whose name escapes me that had a list of things that three year olds do. One of them was along the lines of "somewhere someone is doing something wrong. I will find them and then report back to you". There are a lot of grownups like that too and they will find you and they will tell you what you've done wrong - in a loud voice in a very public place (your blog). They will be offended, they will be angry, they will be hurt and upset and so on and so on ad infinitum. They go out of their way to be so - so just ignore 'em and make the rest of us happy :)
I found you a short while ago and read a few posts and thought you brilliant, and then promptly lost my bookmarks. I have the memory skills of a paramecia and could not remember your name, Esme's name, your blog name but I wanted to find you again and, do you know how I did? I googled birth and yoga and no tearing, and there you were!
All this to say, and clearly, I'm a perfect stranger so feel free to tell me to naff off, I understand your point about not wanting to upset people if that's wasn't your primary intention. But if you have a blog that's writen with honesty and humour, you will aggravate someone at some point.It never fails to amaze me how people can be so emotionally invested in a stranger's life and choices. So may people are entirely too self-enamoured - you're just direct and funny, who wants to read about unicorn dust? At the end of the day I don't think it matters much what you write about, because it'll still be you doing it.
(Woke up not too long ago, filtres still off, sorry about the long winding road, shutting up now.)
(My language OCD compels me to edit - I meant to write "memory skills of a parameciUM". I too should take up yoga.)
Upset commenters? I say fuck 'em. Write what you want to write, serious or not.
I used to try not to swear on my blog because I knew my mum & dad read it, but one day I thought "I'm 38 years old, I reckon my mum might know I utter a curse every now and again". And that was that. It certainly helped with writing about Bono. And we still get invited for tea.
The family thing is more tricky. I have quite a lot of stuff saved in Drafts which may never see the light of day, but was good to get written down. Best of luck.
Thank the lord and baby jeebus that you've returned to us! I was quite concerned and envisaged all manner of accidents and illnesses and alien abductions. Then I got a grip and decided you were probably busy. Or on holiday. But I'm glad you're back. The family thing is tricky, I started my Mrs Jones blog with a view to occasionally bitching about my husband's family (they're old and weird) but that meant I had to keep its existence from him for fear of causing offence. And with me being such a blabbermouth, that was never going to happen and I told him, so now I can't write about how his dad was born in 1914 and still has an Edwardian mindset, or how opportunistic his 50 yr old single sister is, or about how his mother takes delight in actively killing houseplants - see? All good stuff.
Also I echo what everyone else has said about Esme. I can't see that you've said anything wrong at all - stick to the cute and funny stuff (at least until she turns into an irrational teenager - or not) and she'll look back on it with fondness. I'm childfree/less/whatever & cannot abide cutesy mummyblogs and wouldn't be reading you if your blog was one of those. So, there, at least in my eyes, you're doing something right. Just flick the V's at the moaners and write what you like - after all, it's your life and your blog and you can do with both exactly what you want (apart from writing about the family stuff, of course!)
Antonia, I can see that I'm not the only person who has missed your posts. I don't have anything clever or insightful to add to what the other commenters have posted, but I just wanted to add my support. Who cares if someone gets ticked off by your writing? You have so many fans who just love reading your writing - period. It doesn't matter to us if you blog about Esme, how NOT to cut bread, Ian's farts, or the ROCK solicitors. You could blog about your favorite trees and chances are we'd all still love it. Write if you feel like writing, and don't worry about us. We love ya.
Oh Antonia; I even learn from your followers:
Lioness has taught me how to find other blogs who are trying to make public the horrors of Alzheimer's. Mrs Jones, if only I had been a blabbermouth, no, mine was sheer ignorance, I commented on my nieces business blog and Hansel'd myself out, and Fourstar who also has secret writings that may never see the light of day.
I am so glad you are back. And I love all your posts, even the serious ones. I tell myself that the folks who are so dreadfully offended by my opinions/actions/questions feel that way because I somehow threaten their opinion of themselves and the choices they've made, and that if I continue to think/do/ask that way, the world will certainly collapse about our ears. I choose not to take their feelings personally, because I am 99% certain the world will not collapse about our ears. Yet. Besides, even though it's public, a blog is a personal thing, and there are a billion others out there that those people can choose to read instead. I, for one, will continue to choose yours :)
I hope you feel you can carry on as before - your blog has been thoughtful, reflective and amusing - Esme is a lovely part of what you choose to write about.
This is your space - treat it how you want too. Never apologise. Never explain.
...and keep on bloggin'
Well, there is always Ian. You don't even have to write about him. Just post a picture. I've enjoyed everything you have written, and you both have the most expressive faces. Always a pleasure seeing what you two come up with! Plus I love reading your parenting adventures. You write what I hope every other parent on the planet actually thinks (but never says). Ha! I know you've got me pegged as a parent for sure. Anyway, Esme is blessed, and I bet she will be thrilled to read all about her childhood adventures one day. Thanks for a wonderful blog. You are definitely my favorite.
Tell us how Esme fell asleep half way through her party. That's always funny. I have a photo of my niece who did that at three, very, very funny.
I could have a WTF did my MIL just do now blog which would be wildly, implausibly entertaining but might just write her out of my life, .......which I have to remember would be a BAD thing.
I think everything you write is brilliant, makes me laugh out loud, and when it comes to Esme and Ian is written with such obvious love that they couldn't possibly object.
I bloody love you and your blog. Your posts are proper medicine to me. Like everyone else, I find your posts funny and engaging no matter what you write about, but I do particularly love your writing about the intrepid Esme. I'd be sorry to see you censor yourself for your fears, but I understand your concerns, and I'll still bloody love you no matter what you write about. You're brilliant.
Can we come over and get some of that chicken pox?
x
Keri
Antonia,
I just wanted to reinforce that I will read whatever it is you write, serious or funny, personal or sad.
I would be sorry not to hear more about Esme, but I completely understand (not that it matters) that you have to make the decisions that are right for you.
Thank you for sharing you.
Alexa
Your blog is upsettingly good. And that horse story is so FABULOUS, it makes me want to kill people.
Post a Comment