Things That Go Bump in the Night

When I put Esme to bed this evening, I nearly nodded off in the chair during our cuddle after story-time.

"I shall have an early night," I thought. "I shall go downstairs and write today's blog post NOW, not leave it until nearly midnight. An early night would be fantastic."

I put Esme gently in her cot, covered her with her little blanket and left her sleeping peacefully, cuddling her baby doll.

As I came downstairs, a van turned the corner onto our little street and drew to a halt outside our house. Its lights went out as its engine shuddered to silence. In the darkness, passers-by could make out the letters ELEPHANTS-U-LIKE painted on its side.

A man got out of the van. He wore deep-sea diving-boots, and only had one finger on each hand. He walked heavily up the steps to our front door, and rang the doorbell for the flat above ours.

Upstairs, the neighbour heard the doorbell. He made a face of annoyance, because he was busy watching the 2009 Bulgarian Arguing Championships on TV while scraping the floor with a fork. He stood up, put on his deep-sea diving-boots and clomped down the stairs to open the front door.

"Hello," said the van driver. "I've brought your elephant."

"Fantastic," said our upstairs neighbour. "Could you bring it in?"

"Yes," said the van driver. "Wait here."

So our neighbour waited in the hall, idly dropping a bowling-ball a few times to make sure gravity was still working.

The van driver came back. He had a baby elephant in his arms.

"Are you upstairs?" he asked.

"Yes."

And our neighbour led the way up the stairs in his deep-sea diving-boots, followed by the van driver, who was carrying the baby elephant and wearing deep-sea diving-boots as well.

"I see you wear deep-sea diving-boots too," said our neighbour.

"Yes! I like the stomping noise they make," said the van driver.

"Like this?" asked our neighbour, and stomped extra-hard up the stairs.

"Yes!" said the driver, joining in.

Suddenly, the van driver dropped the baby elephant, because he only had one finger on each hand.

"Oh no!" said the van driver.

The baby elephant ran down the stairs. The van driver ran after it, in his deep-sea diving-boots. The upstairs neighbour ran after them both in his deep-sea diving-boots, too.

"Maybe we can herd it up the stairs," suggested our neighbour.

So the van driver and the upstairs neighbour herded the baby elephant up the stairs, and eventually into the flat above ours, where it began to jump up and down.

"Oh no," said our neighbour. "This isn't the right elephant."

"No?" asked the van driver.

"No," said our neighbour. "It doesn't quite match the sofa."

"Well, it was dark out there in the van," said the driver, "so I must have picked the wrong one. Let me take this one back to the van and try one of the 32 others I've got down there."

"Do you want some help?" asked our neighbour.

"No, it's okay," said the driver.

Our neighbour waited upstairs, watching the remainder of the 2009 Bulgarian Arguing Championships on TV. To further pass the time, he collected armfuls of cricket-balls and dropped them onto the bare floorboards, just to make sure gravity was still working. He worries about it a lot.

Meanwhile, the van driver shooed the baby elephant down all the stairs and back out to the van.

The good news, and happy ending, is that the right baby elephant was in the van all along, and they only had to try out 26 of the 32 before they found him.

That's what it sounded like, anyway.