Are they holding hands behind that glace avec langues du chat? I can't find my glasses. Suddenly, Double Knitting sounds more sordid, like a top-shelf special-interest magazine. Perhaps it is. Probably bursting with ladies who have cast off their inhibitions. Haaaa.[Flushing sound]
I'm fascinated by the backdrops for these photos. Here is a get-up with heraldic motifs, specifically for standing on stairs in ancestral homes and looking pre-menstrual.
"I am going to the west wing to have cramps. Do not follow me, Roger, or my hat will eat your dog."
"Forget her, Roger. My cardigan matches my waistcoat, and my love for you is as deep as my cameltoe. You are the itch I cannot scratch, except when no one is looking."I once wrote a haiku about cameltoe.
Ship of the desert,
I cannot hear what you say
Although your lips move.
Anyway.
"Darling I cannot ride your camel. Someone has nailed my elbow to this fence while I was standing here looking wistful in double-knit fairisle and texture. But I seem to have left my cock in my other trousers anyway."
"Ha ha! With Roger nailed to the fence, I will ride the camel tonight!"
"Damn. Now I'm stuck here until help comes along."
"Sigh. All I do is take my net curtain for a walk. I wish something really exciting would happen to me."
"I suppose she means a MAN.""Never mind her. Prisoner Cell Block H is about to start."
31 comments:
"Double Knitting" was actually a free love magazine published in Glasgow in the mid and late 60's. "Knitting" being Brit slang for "to remove one's underwear in a gymnastic fashion."
Antonia, you make me laugh. I think I once dated that guy nailed to a fence post. In the years when I was a blind whore. And might I applaud your new sidebar feature? "Who lives in a cave" certainly tops the hoards of people who end up at my site while looking for the values of wheat pennies.
OH. MY. GOD.
I was already laughing out loud when I got to the haiku. That was when I snorted.
Absolutely hysterical.
this grin will be on my face all week :)
In English class many many moons ago we had to come up with some similes. I'm considering going back to school just so I can now suggest "as deep as a camel toe".
Wait until you get into the hardcore crochet fetish scene. One word. Rugs.
In the last photo, is it just me or does the one on the right look like Peter Cook?
Is it in fact Peter Cook? I wouldn't have put it past him.
This needs to be a regular feature. Please!
Also, I've noticed that the Eighties seemed to produce many more vile knitting patterns than any other decade. Is that because of Nancy Reagan? Cyndi Lauper? Who? I guess we can just blame Patons.
Thanks for making me have to clean off my keyboard AGAIN. :D
I am so glad you (re)discovered knitting. There is so much fun to be had and so many bad bad bad patterns to be mocked.
I do believe that there should be a poetry competition where the sole topic is the camel toe.
I think I shall never see,
a camel toe as lovely as thee......
You should check out this blog ... http://www.threadbared.com/
Dedicated to terrible, terrible knitting patterns. Not as funny as you, but quite hilarious :D
Grimkin (good name! btw), thank you for that URL. I knew there had to be a home for that kind of thing on the Web.
Bob, how shall I write a sonnet
'Bout a lady's beetle bonnet?
I owe a new keyboard to Lori
For which I am sincerely sorry.
Lisa, it may well happen again. There is such a rich seam of horrors to take the piss out of.
Oh lordy! "my love for you is as deep as my cameltoe"
I see that your hours upon hours of reading porn has truly honed your ability to craft beautiful, yet entirely tasteless, comparisons.
I just fell out of my chair.
Yes, the top two certainly look as though they prefer to "whistle through the wheat fields" than have their camels ridden.
Speaking of cameltoe- this brings "Midnight at the Oasis" into a whole new light.
I agree; this needs to be a regular feature. You also might enjoy James Lileks' occasional forays into this kind of thing, such as this one: http://www.lileks.com/institute/dorcusella/index.html
I'll never look at bad knitting magazines/books the same way again.
And the camel toe haiku (along with Bob's poem)? *snort*
Rather than a net curtain, I think that second to last girl was carrying a lace garotte.
It is a warning, "Beware the ladies who knit!"
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www.generaldin.blogspot.com
>^.^<
Delurking to share this site with you:
www.youknitwhat.blogspot.com
now defunct, but the archives are a thing of glory
Lurker shield reactivated.
Shouts of laughter in Australia. Tea shooting through one's nose is not a pretty sight!
My husband calls my stretchy yoga type leggings "Mumbles"....you can see the lips move but you can't hear what they're saying
This? This is awesome. :D
I share your appreciation of old knitting patterns. Every time I'm in the UK, I buy these greeting cards that are created from old knitting patterns from the 50s and 60s. One of my favorites is of this very prim family, cardies all buttoned to the neck and made from the same pattern, standing stiffly together. The image is fantastic, but the words even better. They went something like this: Nigel and Sue tried hard to ruin their childrens' lives and by and large they had succeeded.
I need to make a mental note of NOT checking your blog until I get home. It's much more enjoyable to giggle hysterically when you can do so loudly and without abandon.
That haiku nearly did me in.
I had to delurk to say, "Hee!"
I think I've knitted some of these patterns :-)
Now THAT was flipping hilarious! I think you're going to love this:
http://stitchymcyarnpants.com/moks06/
I came to knitting late, too. It's worth it alone for the dusty old patterns in charity shops...
Oh my FREAKING GOD, that had me snorting and snickering. The story of the sordid sweaters... it's like Edward Gorey only it makes more sense.
Ha! That post had me laughing in a most undignified manner. Almost as many tears of laughter cascaded down my cheeks as the time YogaColleague brought her 1970s knitting annual in to work.
In it was a picture of a knit-your-own cigarette.
lol.
I will never look at knitting magazines the same way again.
Delurking to say: I lived that! I used to hang out at the sewing shops in the late 70s so my mother could go through the catalogs looking at mannequin-like people posing in uncomfortable outfits. Then I had to wear something that she would make - nay, modify - because she wanted it to look snazzier!
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