Forestry Information Post

Have you ever looked at a beauty salon's waxing price list and been afraid to ask certain questions?

My local salon offers these:

Standard Bikini
Brazilian Bikini
Full Hollywood Bikini
Thong Bikini
T-Line

Standard and full, I understand. But where do you draw the line between a Brazilian and a Thong, and how much does it hurt?

And what does the T in T-Line stand for?

So, here is the web page that I have been wanting someone else to do for ages. I went to the salon for a quick deforestation, because to be honest, when childbirth kicks in, it's going to get untidy enough Down There without Sherwood Forest in the way. And while I was there, I asked the beautician to explain the secret code of waxing price lists.

Sensitive readers might want to look away now.


So, this is what you start with: the pure, blank canvas, the unwritten page, the untouched clay upon which the beautician works her artistry.

A Standard will take away your loose tobacco; your spiders' legs; it tidies your perimeter hedge. If it can be seen outside a pair of Bridget Jones big pants, off it goes.

A Brazilian, as you probably know, will leave you with a far more modest amount of coppicing:

Meanwhile, a Thong will leave you with a bit more room, so you can put in a croquet lawn or build a treehouse.

If you want serious deforestation, though, you must ask for a T-Line, which will level your forest to an alarming degree:

And in Hollywood, despite the "Holly" and the "Wood", there are no trees. Nada. Zip. Not even a tiny hedge, not a potted plant, even. Just patio decking.

So there you have it. I never asked, though, and I wonder if creative readers will be able to answer: what do you think the T in T-Line stands for? Thorough?